Chauvinist Joke Collection

  1. Q: Is Google male or female?

    A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

  2. Teacher: "Answer this math problem: if your father earns $500 a week and gives half to your mother. What will he have?"

    Student: "A heart attack."

  3. A husband asks his wife, "Will you marry after I die?" The wife responds, "No, I will live with my sister." The wife asks him back, "Will you marry after I die?" The husband responds, "No, I will also live with your sister."

  4. If a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

  5. I've been in love with the same woman for 20 years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

  6. Wife: "How would you describe me?"

    Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."

    Wife: "What does that mean?"

    Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."

    Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

    Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

  7. A young man looking to get married asked his friend. "Every woman I bring home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like." "Oh, that's easy," his pal replied, "All you have to do is find someone who is just like your mother." "I did that already," he said, "and that one my father didn't like."

  8. Boy: if you are smiling send me your smiles
    - if you are sleeping send me your dreams
    - if you are crying send me your tears

    Girl: I am in the toilet what do i send?

  9. A woman looks in the mirror and says I look fat and then asks her husband to give her a compliment he says ok you have perfect eye sight.